Originally posted on instragram. View the original post here
While I may be somewhat of an open book on here & in real life, at times... there is one thing I have not shared. Not on here, not with many of the people, even friends, that know me in my life.
Seven months ago my mother took a fall that left her paralyzed from the neck down, leaving her unable to walk, hold, or live in our home.
Navigating a life where the possibility of never seeing my mother dance or do the things she loved again broke me. I couldn’t fathom how unkind this world could be, how excruciatingly hard it is to accept that life as you know it can change in an instant. Depression reared it’s ugly head, and my spark for life evaporated as quickly as she fell.
I felt guilty for enjoying life when she no longer could.
And so I set forth to Iceland begrudgingly with two close friends, dreading that this depression would linger and impede my ability to enjoy a trip I once hoped for.
But what I love about traveling and living on this earth in general, is how small it makes you feel. The world becomes larger, and the time that spans around you feels longer, ancient even, and you’re left with the humility of your existence.
It was in these moments, surrounded by two earthly angels and pure nature, where my spark for life came back to me and kick started my heart.
While I would never wish this pain I feel upon any other human, I do feel that when we are able to experience the lowest lows, our appreciation of the highs becomes deepest. We savor every moment of life, sipping the vibrant nectar of existence, holding on a little longer.
So now as I return back to reality, I hold with me this beautiful experience of life and I can’t help but to be grateful to live. How wonderful it is to experience, to appreciate all that we have in this current moment - the good, the bad and the mundane. Life is a gift, and I don’t intend on wasting any more of it.
Life is not a problem to solve, but an experience to be had
- Søren Kierkegaard